I don’t know what it takes to be a mother. I don’t even really know what it takes to be a wife, yet. But here I am, living and breathing one and about to jump into the other. How do I know I can make it in either? How do I know I have what it takes? That I won’t fail?

Today is a rainy, gloomy day. My husband is home again, and it is nice to just hang out with him inside when it is so gross outside. He burps really loud from where he sits browsing TSN.ca, and baby kicks me in the ribs. I smile. My little family.

My mom once shared with me a theory that she has: Super moms = lazy kids, and lazy moms = super kids. There are moms who do everything, so their kids never *really* learn how to take care of themselves. There are also lazy moms who force their kids to grow up a little faster and learn the hard way. 

My grandma was a bit of a drinker, and spent a lot of time doing her nails and drinking rum while my mom taught herself to cook. My mother went to India by herself when she was 18, moved to Calgary and put herself through Art school. My mom was a super mom, and I never learned how to cook. 

The Magpie wonders if I’m sacrificing too much of myself in this new life I’ve chosen. But I have to look carefully at the things I’ve had to change or give up for the sake of my relationship and this new role.

1. I’ve had to learn how to cook. 
Well, I’m still learning, and it’s probably going to be a while before I feel any kind of confident in the kitchen. But it’s a good skill to have, and cooking for someone else is the kind of kick in the pants I needed to get off my ass and learn a new skill. Is it stressful? Absolutely. Frustrating? Frequently. But I’m definitely learning.

2. I’ve had to cut all contact with past lovers.
It wasn’t even especially my husband dictating who I can and cannot speak to, it was more about whether or not it makes sense to keep these people in my life, when they pose a threat to my relationship with my husband (which should be the most important relationship in my life, should it not?), and wouldn’t it make me feel much better about our relationship if he did the same and didn’t talk to any of his past lovers? Let me tell you something, it sure does. Some of my past lovers were my best friends, and that’s been really hard, to let go of that aspect of my relationships with them. But it all comes with the territory of doing what’s best for this new family that I’ve chosen.

3. I’ve had to move away from my family and in with his.
What were we going to do, move into my tiny room in my mother’s house? There was a space for us here, low rent, built-in babysitters, and a hand here and there when we’ve needed it from my in-laws (new bed, anyone?). I wonder sometimes when we’ll leave the Compound, because I know my husband isn’t eager to leave, but if getting off the Compound means higher rent and not always being able to afford diapers or food, I’m okay staying here until our financial situation changes enough for us to buy a little house or something. Not that being away from my family hasn’t been hard, especially being pregnant and being away from my mom. But she’s selling her house, downsizing so that she’ll have some extra money with which to travel. She reckons she can come visit 5-6 times a year. Of course, my first choice would be to have her on the island, but you can’t have everything.

4. I’ve lost some of the best friends I’ve ever had.  
Well, it’s a shame that I no longer have these people in my life, but they obviously weren’t as true blue as I thought since they up and bailed on me at the most important time in my life. Not to mention the things they stand for, that I once stood for, are not the kinds of values that I want to influence my kid. That’s all I’m going to say about that.  

5. I pretty much always have to censor myself.
This is probably the hardest one, and I’m still wrestling with it. I have to accept that I am now surrounded by people who did not grow up in the liberal household I did, and are not used to discussing sex and other scandalous topics as freely as I am. And if nothing else, I do have to respect the way Pops and Angela are raising their kids, and try to refrain from certain topics  of conversation for the sake of their children’s innocence, even if the way they do things isn’t necessarily the way I would.

Things are different, there’s no doubt about that. Since I got pregnant and married my baby’s daddy, my world has pretty much been turned upside down. And yeah, I’ve had to make quite a few changes in order to find my place in this life. But I think, as far as compromise goes, these roles that I am now faced with require compromise and sacrifice from anyone. I don’t know any married person who didn’t have to compromise something, even if it was something as small as whether or not the toilet seat being left up is acceptable.

And about being a mom, even though I’m not one yet, I know enough moms to know that the role of “mom” is the most selfless one out there. If that doesn’t spell sacrifice, I don’t know what does. But I’m also pretty sure that being a mom and raising this kid with my husband is going to be the wildest adventure of my life. And I can’t wait.